Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween?
Me: Drunk!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it?
A "hollow-weenie!"
For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers Which ghost is the best dancer?
The Boogie Man!
This Halloween, the only Candy I'm interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues "Halloween" = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts. Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween?
Pump kin!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims?
On Fry Day
What's a monsters favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What do you call a Halloween boner?
Petrified wood
What do you call a dancing ghost?
Polka-haunt-us
Q: How do you write a book about halloween?
A: With a ghostwriter.
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake.
Sincerely, Michael Myers
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
Q: Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A: He was all bite and no bark.
Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A: At the casketeria.
Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A: A stake sandwich...
Q: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
A: They have bat breath...
Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay.
Q: What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A: A guy with very high blood pressure...
Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin
Q: What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel...
Q: Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A: He heard it had great circulation.
Q: What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A: Fangsgiving
Q: What happens when two vampires meet?
A: It was love at first bite!
Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet?
A: blood-thirsty hacker baby
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snow man?
A: Frostbite
Q: Why do vampires scare people?
A: They are bored to death!
Q. What is a vampires favorite ice cream flavor?
A. Vainilla.
Q: How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
A: Every night he turns into a bat.
Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It's a pain in the neck.
Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
Q: What songs does Dracula hate?
A: "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.
Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.
Q: What is a vampires least favorite food?
A: Steak
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